Cringeworthy neediness... and how to move through it...



How to be less needy


So what are we all trying to do here? I think in essence we are all trying to prove we are enough - unless we are wholly aware that we are enough. Then we can start authentically contribute.


And yesterday, this pearl of wisdom of ‘I am enough', that is already widely covered on many Instagram quotes, got a chance to sink in deeper level, right trough my anxiety and this expressing itself into this Neediness.


It manifested in me feeling a little out of place, a little too hyper and anxious when i met my friends after church Sunday.

There I thought i had control in some way of having a very nice afternoon of conversation - but it turned out the gift came disguised as me being uncomfortable.


The week before we had an amazing conversation with the 3 of us, and yesterday i wanted it to be the same.

But… it was not working…the flow was different, gone. And omg.. how embarrassing, i noticed i just kept talking.

i tried to ‘repair’ it with putting more energy in it, becoming more hyper, enthusiastic… and obviously it was not working! Seriously.. i am sitting here cringing writing this.


When both of my friends left. I noticed i felt kinda anxious, especially in the evening - but i did not really know why. Why was i feeling like i needed something? Why was i feeling something was missing?


Reflect back

I am becomming more and more aware that everything in my external reality is this projection of my internal reality. So why did i project this lack of flow out, why was i being so anxious, and how am i giving my power away in that?


Kinda painfull

It is always kinda painful if you figure out this stuff for yourself… that what you were hating from someone else that it is actually the place where you are not nourishing yourself. And instead of they being annoying, they are just reflecting your vibe back to you - you annoying yourself in that case.


So the same thing here… where was my energy not whole, and where did i ‘need’ my own attention...


Self-Love

Usually i have a morning process to get me to feel nourished and filled for myself, and that day, i missed most of my morning process. So that is when my teaching was already starting... why was i already not stepping up for myself what i needed to do for myself to show up in my best way - why was it thinking it was ok to not show up in my highest energy. I had not made ’The Click’ that day.


In a way i thought: i have the easy way out, today i don't have to do it alone, today i can do it with my friends because they are there. - So i already set myself up for not being self-aligned and expecting them to fill the gap.


Big-mistake...


Addiction

For me it is some work every day, to align myself again, to take care of my negative thoughts and enter the outside world from a space of love. It is soo logical… put your emotional mask on first before you start helping other… but


Neediness on external stuff, is in reality a deeper need for oneself. And it can express itself into all types of addiction, from sugar, sex, love to friendship.

What is your default addiction to fill the gap of lack of flow and self care and respect. And really, that can be quite the maze to get lost in, and i think some people never manage to fill their live from the inside out, and resort trough reactive behaviour all trough their lives.


Groundhog day

And i knew, but what made it that i did not have the power to step up for myself that morning. And you know, i already had the lesson many, many times before. But still i thought that this day i would be ok, and have my stuff under control enough.


What energy are you comming from

I thought the situation was not that bad. The lower vibration self talk was not that bad. I was feeling happy right? The thing was; i was feeling happy because i was going to do something that was fun. Like going to church, which i really enjoy.


I did not show up being calm and fulfilled by myself, being in this calm and spontaneously loving state. I was in this needy loving state.


Very different vibe. And really; if i notice it with people I run fast! That is the embarrassment - to realise what you see with the other, you actually have it in yourself.


So yesterday i said a little prayer and asked with some help in resolving this aspect of being out of integrity.

And I got my insight this morning:

  • It is in the basis a feeling of not feeling safe. I am looking for safety, for acceptance, for that it is ok to enjoy company and make friends. That I am not ‘too much”.


Work with it:

When I realised it was coming from a root of not feeling safe. I had to program my feeling of safety.

And it is as simple as affirming myself that i am save.

I had a deep sigh, and the feeling started to disappear and my mind and heart started connecting again.


Hope this is of service to you: Whenever you feel like you are reaching out too far, or uncomfortable or out of integrity with yourself. use this as your secret superpower against an. I am save, i am save, i am save.


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